phonehandsetYeah we’ve all had them, those annoying phone calls where someone asks if you or a member of your family have been involved in an accident, or that your mobile phone is due an upgrade – the annoying spam calls.

Well a couple of years ago I got bored and thought I’d start playing along, you do need to keep a straight face (so to speak) when you are doing it, but believe me it’s fun.

The mobile phone upgrade – I’ve not had one these for a very long time, in fact the last one I had went along these lines…..

  • *ring ring*
  • [Me] Hello?
  • [Phone Guy] Hello, according to our records your mobile phone is now due an upgrade and we have some amazing offers for you.
  • [Me] Are you sure?
  • [Phone Guy] Yes of course
  • [Me] But I don’t own a mobile phone, you’ve called my landline.
  • [Phone Guy] Erm, I’m sorry, er, we’ll take your number off our system.
  • [Me] Thanks!

That guy must not have known the numbers their system had dialled!

Now the accident people are the best to have fun with, and if you’ve ever been in the room with me when I’ve taken one of these phone calls then you know how funny it is.

I’ve told people various stories including –

  • “This is an emergency alarm monitoring service”
  • “My religion prohibits me from owning a car”
  • I went through how I fell off a roof and died on impact and I was answering their call from the afterlife.
  • How I had an accident and wished they’d stop phoning me, it wasn’t my fault I crashed that bus full of Nuns.

But my favourite and most eye-watering call of all time went along these lines –

  • *ring ring*
  • [Me] Hello?
  • [Caller] Yes, we’ve been told that you’ve recently had an accident.
  • [Me] Yes I did, last night, how did you know?
  • [Caller] Please wait and I’ll put you through to an advisor
  • [Me] Ok
  • [Caller2] Hello, I understand you had an accident last night.
  • [Me] Yes, that’s right.
  • [Caller2] Can you describe what happened?
  • [Me] Well it was late last night when I had the accident and I’m still in shock.
  • [Caller2] Can you tell me what happened?
  • [Me] Well, erm, yes, I had an accident in bed and wet myself.
  • [Caller2] Sorry?  What did you say
  • [Me] I had an accident in bed last night
  • [Caller2] Erm, how did this make you feel?
  • [Me] Well wet obviously
  • *dead tone*
  • [Me] Can I make a claim?

Now I know that some people will say that these are people only doing their job, but when you register your number to avoid these sorts of calls and you still get them and unfortunately TPS can’t help, then rather than get angry and shout I prefer to have some fun and maybe brighten up the callers day!

The TPS is a service to (in theory) help filter out marketing calls, works most of the time but sometimes firms ignore them.